TW//sexual violence//mental health//black violence//cancer//
If life has taught us anything, it’s that it’s not going to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. Toxic positivity has seeped into the spirituality culture in a subtle and sneaky way. Disguised as a solution for any of life’s problems.
If you’re suffering from heartbreak, loss of a job, grief, sadness, anxiety, or depression then the key is to stay positive. The negativity in your life is a part of something bigger and you’ll be alright if you start thinking better thoughts. Note the sarcasm as these words don’t do anything to help someone in distress who needs support. We must come to realize that the highs and lows of life are perfectly okay and normal.
Manifest your Dream Life-
You might be into manifesting and the law of attraction. There might’ve been a point in time when you thought that all you needed to create your dream life was positive thinking. Working hard wasn’t as important as long as you kept your spirits and vibrations high.
Some spirituality “gurus” preach about how you create your reality, regardless of whether it’s good or bad that comes to you. Some of the teachings are incredibly harmful to those suffering from mental illnesses or past traumas such as abuse and/or sexual assault.
Victim Blaming-
Such horrific life events do not come from somebody’s “mixed vibrations”. Victim blaming should never be welcomed in any shape or form even when camouflaged with good intentions. The last thing those living with trauma, need to hear is that their experience was any fault of their own.
They also don’t need to find the silver lining in their situation or think better thoughts. There’s no putting a bandaid over those types of pain. There’s only recognizing them for what they are and letting yourself feel the emotions. You cannot spiritually bypass healing, it’s a tough and sticky matter that you should allow yourself to move through.
Bottle it Up-
When we sit with negative emotions and talk or write about them, they might hold less power over us. When we suppress our emotions, they’ll sit there bottled up waiting for their moment. Eventually, at any moment our emotions could erupt like a volcano. Unexpected triggers that pop up such as movies or conversations can be the thing that tips the scale.
Blame Game-
Toxic positivity can become so ingrained that you might begin to worry if you have a bad day, you’ll manifest something awful. This leaves you thinking that the only way to protect yourself is to suppress your feelings and constantly think happy thoughts. This toxicity can leave you believing that anything bad that happens has transpired out of your low vibration and negative thinking.
It might make sense at first that when you’re feeling low bad things tend to unfold. However, it could be that when you’re in a bad state of mind you tend to make poorer choices and focus on negative aspects.
Spiritual Shame-
Manifesting and the law of attraction can still be a valuable tool in your life when taught in a healthy and realistic way. For those teaching and practicing it’s important to keep in mind that you’re having a human experience with real and valid human emotions.
It’s taught in certain spiritual communities that any bad feelings only exist because we’re giving them the power too. It doesn’t consider that you could be dealing with a mental illness that is the result of your brain chemistry.
This causes feelings of shame in the individual who feels bad, then feels bad for feeling bad, plunging into a deeper, darker spiral. What this practice aims to do (eliminate the bad feelings) can exacerbate emotions. By keeping them tucked away in a dark corner they sit there waiting to be brought to light.
Fear Factor-
Some of those that preach toxic positivity I’m sure have great intentions. They might truly believe that these methods are the end all be all for human happiness and will cure everyone’s heartbreak.
However, we need to remain critical when these positive practices become harmful. If you’ve survived cancer once before and feel like it’s returning but don’t want to visit a doctor because that would “give power to the cancer” would that not be extremely dangerous? Why wouldn’t you get it checked out as early as possible in hopes of needing less intervention later on?
In regards to the global pandemic, how many people have decided not to wear a mask to not “fear” the pandemic even if it could be saving the lives of themselves and others? If instead we didn’t worry about “fearing” the virus and worked together in the world to keep each other safe would we not be in a much better place right now?
Fear keeps us safe in small doses. We humans were given these instinctual feelings for obvious and good reasons. Our fear tells us when danger is approaching so we can figure out a way to keep ourselves safe.
Let’s say you are suddenly urged to take a different route to work one day. Later on, you see on the news the street you always take was covered in black ice leading to multiple car crashes. That negative feeling you got when approaching your normal route kept you safe. You could’ve ended up seriously hurt if you had dismissed your intuition as negativity.
Say Their Name-
You might feel that watching the news is a terrible thing to do for your mental state, and in large doses, it can be. However, it is a privilege to be able to turn a blind eye to certain topics. If black people had turned away from watching the horrific events that occurred to George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and so many others because it was too painful how would we organize any change?
Change is hard, painful, and emotional there’s no way around that. Traumatic events like these might bring up many repressed emotions for you. Faking toxic positivity won’t make them go away, it could only bury them deeper.
Active Listening-
For those going through a hard time and needing to vent, toxic positivity can make that person feel worse. Sometimes we humans need to get things off our chest. That doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for the blessings you do have. It doesn’t mean that because someone has it worse than you, you’re not allowed to have a hard day.
Lending a listening, understanding, and non-judgemental ear can be all a person needs. If you’ve lost your job it’s ok to be sad without needing to find positive aspects.
Stay positive….sometimes-
This post isn’t to say we should all dwell upon our sadness 24/7 and never be optimistic. It’s to encourage you to recognize when you’re being unrealistic with yourself or others. Life will have ups and downs that all humans face. Remember that there will be amazing times on your journey as well as some rough patches. Appreciate them both for what they are.
Conclusion-
Positivity is an amazing tool to have in your back pocket but be wary of the toxic strain. You can be grateful and grieving at the same time. You can be happy and sad at the same time, these emotions are not mutually exclusive. There is liberation in letting things be as they are without immediately having to fix them.
