Michael A. Singer’s bestselling book The Surrender Experiment is the follow-up to his most notable work The Untethered Soul. In the autobiographical surrender experiment, he details his life and how no matter the trials and tribulations that came his way, he was committed to the act of surrender. While surrender might seem like giving up to some, he shows how it ultimately led to favourable outcomes and saved him from much distress in his life.
The book describes how much of our suffering in life is self-inflicted. If it rains on a day that you want to be sunny it’s not because the universe hates you or is personally out to get you. The rain isn’t necessarily “bad” it’s your feelings about the rain that’s bad. While you were disappointed about the rain, someone else was loving the rainy day. Things in life aren’t bad or good, they are just things.
Don’t ruin your own day because someone was rude to you or you didn’t get seated at a certain table at your favourite restaurant. You can’t control all factors of life it’s completely impossible. At some point, you’ll have to have to accept what comes so that you can learn to enjoy your life even when curveballs come, which is often.
It’s Not Personal-
Our personal feelings and attachments to things elicit a negative or positive reaction. How many times have you felt heartbroken or disappointed and believed it was the end of the world? Yet, you survived and continued living. Hopefully, these tribulations made you stronger for your next disappointment in life.
Although we think we know what’s best for us and want a certain outcome, the universe likes to shake things up for the plot and it’s your responsibility to adapt to wherever the chips may fall.
This doesn’t mean you should be okay with being complacent or accepting injustices. However, when you accept where you are you can usually handle a crisis better from a calmer standpoint than an emotionally reactive one. Below we’ll review how to incorporate the surrender experiment into your life.
“All the events that had unfolded so far in my experiment with surrender had shown me that the more I was willing to let go of the inner noise created by my personal likes and dislikes, the more I could see subtle synchronicities in what was unfolding around me. These unexpected concurrences of events were like messages from life gently nudging me in the direction she was going. I listened to these subtle nudges instead of listening to the not-so-subtle mental and emotional reactions caused by my personal preferences. This is how I practiced surrender in everyday life, and the purpose of all these stories is to share with you the perfection of the journey that unfolded.”
― Mickey A. Singer, The Surrender Experiment: My Journey into Life’s Perfection
Detached-
Setting goals and having a plan to achieve them is important in life. Staying detached from the outcome is also equally important. Things in life pivot several times, and your path is likely not straight. There will be setbacks, changed minds, and redirections.
You should plan, work hard, and be prepared for whatever journey you’re on but also expect the unexpected. Know that life will cause you and your mindset to shift and where you end up might not be where you initially thought you would.
Remaining detached from the outcome will allow you to enjoy life’s journey instead of unnecessarily suffering. Twists and turns don’t always mean something is wrong, it also means everything is going according to a divine plan.
Manifesting-
The art of manifesting is a popular topic; many believe you can manifest anything you want at any time. If your manifestation doesn’t come to be then you must be terrible at manifesting and you should let fate decide instead. False.
You might manifest exactly what you want but it might come in a different package than you expected so you never bother to open it. You might manifest the perfect partner into your life but since they don’t meet your height requirements you don’t notice them.
The universe might nudge you on the perfect path for you but since you have certain preferences you never bother to take the path perfectly curated for you. You can simultaneously practice manifesting and surrendering. Focus on remaining open to suggestions. Your manifestations might look different than what you expect.
According to Plan-
How many times have you thought you wanted a certain relationship, job, or other event to work out yet later on you find yourself thanking your lucky stars that it didn’t pan out the way you’d hoped?
What we think we want and what’s best for us and our growth process are often two very different paths. Although certain disappointments in life can be tough to swallow, focus on what you can learn from these “failures” and continue pushing forward.
When you let disappointments consume you, you might end up down a dark and dangerous path. When one door closes another opens. Maybe not immediately but in time if you stay open and allow it.
Say Yes More-
Lately, in life, the craze has been upholding boundaries and saying no. Boundaries are very important, especially for people-pleasers or those whose kindness can be taken advantage of. However, where in your life can you say yes more?
If you aren’t a super social person where can you practice saying yes to more social gatherings? If you’re looking for a relationship but are super picky can you say yes to someone who isn’t your usual type?
While it’s great that the collective is getting a ton of practice saying no…that leaves little room for yes. Where can you say yes more and embrace new opportunities and people you might not have considered?
Meditate-
Surrendering might be easier said than done and likely won’t happen overnight or at the snap of your fingers. It could be a lengthy process. Thankfully by meditating regularly and quieting down the voice in your head, you’ll learn to accept things as they are without judgment or immediately needing to change them.
Start with 5 minutes daily and work up to 10, 15, or 20, whatever you can manage realistically. Use a guided meditation to follow along with initially. The task of surrender will become much easier by learning to accept things as is.
Control-
Are you a control freak? When you have a deep desire to control everything around you including other people it tends to stem from a deep insecurity or trauma from a time when you felt that you had no control. You’ll try to take that power back by controlling everything and everyone.
Unfortunately, 9/10 when you try to control everything especially other people you’re going to end up disappointed and they might harbour resentment towards you. You can aim to inspire or guide other people in a certain direction but at the end of the day you can’t control their thoughts, feelings, and ultimately their actions no matter how hard you try.
Practice Surrendering-
Start your day off with this prayer from the book A Course In Miracles “Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say, and to whom?”
This prayer sets you up to be put in places and surrounded by people where you’re divinely guided to be but perhaps not where you’d like to be.
While our personal preferences tend to be strong, practice allowing some wiggle room. We often plan our days according to how we’d like them to go. We don’t leave a ton of space to deviate from the original plot. While having plans and schedules is great for productivity aim to be less rigid when going about your day and know that things will pop up and not always go according to plan.
Conclusion-
Even though we have plans in our head of how things should go and preferences for how we’d like things to be it’s impossible for those visions to always manifest into reality. Learning to surrender to life’s outcomes will save you so much stress and misery and let you enjoy the journey without so much stress on the final destination. As much as we might think, things in life are not as personal as we make them seem. Life does as life does and it isn’t directed towards us.
If you wish to practice manifestation simultaneously with surrender do so without a heavy attachment to the results. Be open to other suggestions. Sometimes the things you want aren’t what will help you learn and grow in this life. Find where in your life you can be more open and say yes to things you maybe wouldn’t have before. Meditate regularly to learn to accept things as they are. Take a deep breath and let down your need to control yourself, certain outcomes, and other people.
Surrendering is not an easy practice and might take a long time and a ton of work. While challenging, so much unnecessary suffering happens when we hold on too tightly to the results. Hopefully, you can use these tips to undergo your own surrender experiment and introduce more happiness and enjoyment into your life.
