You could be the most “conventionally attractive” person in the world and have the self-confidence of a peanut. Or you might not conform to the media’s “beauty standards” yet have more self-confidence in your pinky than someone else’s whole body. Self-confidence truly comes from the inside, no matter how you look on the outside.
Self-confidence makes you appear more attractive to others. It’s an energy you give off subtly that shows others that you love, respect, and appreciate yourself. Body language, speaking your mind (in a respectful manner), and boosting others up instead of bringing them down all give off confident vibes.
Body Language-
Your body language is a huge factor in how confident you come across to others. Simple habits like crossing your arms, show that you’re closed off and feeling vulnerable. Slouching, keeping your head down, and avoiding eye contact are other signs of showing a lack of self-confidence.
A few body language keys to remember are to keep your head up, make eye contact (don’t stare and make it weird), keep your shoulders down and back, and look relaxed and not tense. Avoid playing with your hair, or other fidgeting habits that make you appear nervous. This may take a lot of conscious efforts to undo.
We often do these body language faux pas unconsciously and it might take a minute to realize when you’re doing them. When you notice that you are, take a deep breath and adjust. It can take a good amount of practice to improve the body language cues that you give off.
Side Note: If you are or think you might be neurodivergent, body language can be a lot harder to control. Things like fidgeting or avoiding eye contact might be the only way to get you through certain social situations. Don’t feel bad for this and focus on the body language cues you can control.
Fake It Till You Make It-
Not many people wake up every day and feel on top of the world. Most of us go about our day with a major case of imposter syndrome. Especially in the world of social media that we live in, we’re constantly comparing someone’s best day or at least the curated and polished version people show us to our real, unfiltered life.
You might not feel like you deserve to be in a certain position or invited to certain events. If you can at least pretend as if you were a method actor, then you can convince others to see your worth. This will in turn make you see your worth as well. The term fake it till you make it really does hold some weight.
Embrace Your Flaws-
Have you ever pointed out a perceived flaw in yourself to someone else, only to have them say “I didn’t notice until you pointed it out”. Most people are too caught up in stressing about their own flaws to notice yours.
Don’t draw attention to your shortcomings whether internal or external. If you don’t make a huge deal about them then it’s more than likely no one else will. By going on and on about how much you hate your body or your face, other people will be more likely to look.
If you’re feeling super insecure at the beach or pool, if you can pretend like you’re a supermodel that confident energy will show to others making them more likely to notice your glowing smile than your body. Even Beyonce has an alter ego that she brings out on stage to help her exude extra confidence.
This isn’t easy and could take a lot of introspection. Our society holds certain impossible standards of beauty and breaking down that conditioning can be tough. Dive deep into why those beauty standards are bs and focus on the things you love about yourself.
Love Letter-
Spend 20 or 30 minutes writing a love letter to yourself. Express all the things you love about yourself internally and externally. You have to be your biggest cheerleader in life.
While practicing things like shadow work is important to recognize our flaws and wounding it’s equally important to show yourself some love. Go into detail about all of the amazing qualities that you possess and what you’re proud of yourself for, even if it’s the smallest things.
Keep Promises to Yourself-
To build self-confidence, you must believe in yourself more than anyone. When you begin to keep your promises to yourself, you’ll begin to trust yourself more. If you say you’re going to work out at least 3x this week then keep that promise and do it.
If you say you’re going to give up a toxic habit for 30 days, then do it. When you can learn to trust that when you say you’re going to do something, you’ll actually do it, it’ll help you build a ton of self-confidence.
Take Care of Yourself-
It’s hard to build confidence when you feel like shit. Mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Taking care of your overall well-being is a crucial step in having a high level of confidence.
Eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, meditating, and spending time on your favourite hobbies are all things you should be doing regularly to feel good internally. When you do that you’ll be more likely to show up in the world ready to take on whatever.
If you don’t know where to begin, aim to start one new healthy habit and stick to it for 30 days. Write down how you feel before and after you’ve started this new practice. If it’s beneficial then stick to it for another 30 days and then add a new habit. After you notice the positive benefits of taking great care of yourself, why would you want to turn back?
Confident vs Cocky-
There’s a big difference between having confidence and being cocky. Having confidence in yourself will automatically show to others without you having to point out how amazing you are. You also won’t have to bring others down to make yourself look better. You can be humble and confident at the same time.
Usually, when you try too hard to make others realize how great you are it will come off as fake. Almost like you’re trying to overcompensate for something. When you can let your confident energy speak for itself others will automatically take notice.
Positive Affirmations-
Write down 5 positive affirmations you have about yourself to repeat daily. Make these affirmations things that are true. If you write something that you don’t even believe, it won’t be as effective.
We often focus on our negative aspects, so shifting our focus to things that we’re good at will shift our perspective to realize we have more to offer the world than we think.
If you have a great work ethic write “My work ethic is immaculate, anything I lack in talent I make up for in hard work”. If you’re a ballet dancer you can write “My grace and poise spills over to all areas of my life, I can handle any situation with grace and poise”.
Watch how you speak to yourself. We’re our own worst critics so when you notice you talking down on yourself, catch it and reframe your thought to be kinder and gentler. If you notice that your close circle is filled with negative people, choose wisely how much time you’re spending with these people. No friend or family group is going to be positive 100% of the time but ensure you’re not spending the majority of your time with negative energy vampires.
Look The Part-
Looks aren’t everything to do with confidence but when you look good you do feel good. Choose clothes that flatter your body type and colours that compliment your skin tone. Brush your hair once in a while and change out of your sweatpants from time to time.
Especially if you’re a remote worker or a stay-at-home parent your appearance may be on the backburner. You don’t need to get dolled up daily but do little things that make you feel good once in a while to boost your confidence.
Conclusion-
Building yourself up to gain more confidence isn’t an overnight process. It takes time to build new habits and rewire your brain to view yourself in a more positive light.
Use these steps like showcasing confident body language, embracing and accepting your flaws, and faking it till you make it. This will help you on your journey to establishing more confidence. Take excellent care of yourself, keep your promises, and ensure that the vibes you’re giving off exude confidence and not cockiness.
By following these sometimes challenging but necessary steps you’ll have an easier time putting yourself out there in the world and chasing down your dreams so that they become reality. You might notice changes in a few weeks, or months or the process could take a bit longer for you to truly feel confident from the inside out.
