The art of detachment is a subtle and delicate balance between caring and not caring too much. In life, you’re going to become disappointed more times than you can count. By people, by the weather, or by things that didn’t work in your favour.
You might put your worth in the things you own or the status of your career. While these things can represent you and your hard work, you’re more than just your accomplishments. You may currently be in a position of power in your job but things like an economic downturn or a pandemic can make your job less steady than you thought.
If you put your entire value and worth into your job what happens if you get let go one day? Where will the rest of your identity lie? This is why it’s so important to practice the art of detachment in your life.
Detachment isn’t about you being indifferent about anything and everything. You can give your best effort in life and know that person, job or thing isn’t all there is. You’re more than the external factors. Today we’ll go over some ways that you can learn how to master the art of detachment. It’ll help you to live your days with more peace and clarity.
Detachment from the Material-
How much value do you place on material objects? Do you chase material objects because you enjoy them or for how you wish to be viewed in the world? Let’s get one thing straight, there’s nothing wrong with liking and striving for nice, material things.
Luxurious, great-quality items or cars aren’t evil and you’re not a bad person for wanting them. The only thing to keep mindful of is putting too much of your value into these items. While they’re nice they’re only material items at the end of the day.
Some people spend their whole lives working extremely hard to afford this luxury dream. Once they achieve it, they find themselves no happier than before. Working hard is good, and striving for great things is good, but by practicing detachment from material objects, you can remain objective about what’s really important in life.
Do you need the most expensive watch or do you want to spend more time with your family and friends? (This doesn’t include people who work hard to survive and provide for themselves and their families. This is for people who already have everything they could ever need yet are still chasing something fleeting.)
What if you lost it all tomorrow? The designer items won’t be there to hold your hand or to help you through the rough times. By practicing the art of detachment you can still strive to be successful and simultaneously realize that material objects aren’t the most important things in your life and don’t define you as a person.
Detachment from Relationships-
Relationships are a tricky one because we all have different human experiences, traumas, values, and perspectives and then we try to combine them with another person and cross our fingers that it’ll work out. Or we attract someone who plays games and is hot and cold.
When things in love aren’t going your way it’s a stab in the heart and the ego. You might feel like you’re unworthy of love or that something is wrong with you if this person doesn’t want you back or if something isn’t working out. However, sometimes some people aren’t a good match and it has nothing to do with your level of worthiness.
By working on detachment you’re able to stay objective and realize that if someone is playing games or not treating you right then you don’t need to tolerate it. When you form an attachment to someone this can be a million times harder. How many times in the past have you stuck around in some form of relationship way longer than you should’ve because you couldn’t let go?
You thought if you stuck around then maybe things would figure themselves out. By detaching yourself and your emotions you’ll have an easier time walking away from the things that aren’t for you.
How many times have you been stuck in some type of bond or relationship and tried to force things to work when they didn’t? After a long battle of things not working out you eventually moved on only to have someone better come along.
Then you wonder how different things would’ve been if you never let yourself move on to bigger and better things. Note that there’s a difference between a relationship that’s worth fighting for compared to one that’s not. When you can work on detachment from the person and relationship you’ll be better at discerning between the two.
Detachment from Career-
Your career says a lot about you as an individual. It identifies your skills, interests, level of altruism, etc. It’s good to take pride in your work and want to do a good job. It’s also good if you don’t care for your job and are just there for the check.
When you put too much of your identity into your career, you can feel a major loss if your job were to ever get taken from you. Professional athletes are a great example. They spend their entire lives working hard for success in whatever sport they excel at. They’re probably the hero of their hometown and have never been known for anything other than the sport they’re involved in.
Sports, especially very physical sports like football and hockey are tough on the body and can cause permanent injuries. As you age your body slows down and you won’t be able to keep up with younger players, forcing pro athletes into retirement typically at the early ages of around 35-40.
While many pro athletes are extremely well-paid, to keep up with their lavish lifestyles for the remainder of their lives and provide for their family they’ll still need to find some additional sources of income. The athlete role they’ve played their entire lives is no longer and they can feel an enormous loss of identity. This can take an immense toll on their mental well-being.
This example is why it is important to focus on detachment from your career, even if you’re no pro athlete. Life happens and you never know what could happen with your work. Are you able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you’re more than just your job?
If not, it might be time to find some additional hobbies or make sure you take some breaks if you’re someone who works 24/7. While it’s not bad to want to be successful in your career, life is all about balance. What else do you find pride in outside of work?
Detachment from Feelings-
Practicing detachment is not promoting that you’re dead on the inside and any life change should be a breeze. It’s okay to be sad when the things you want in life don’t work out, it’s healthy and encouraged. Process your feelings, write them down, go to therapy, and work on your healing.
Detachment doesn’t mean you are void of feelings. Detachment means that if things don’t work out in your favour then there are other things or people in this world more suited for you. It can also mean that whatever didn’t work out was supposed to teach you valuable lessons for you to learn from to help you grow and propel you in a better direction.
Ways To Help You Detach
Journal-
To release an attachment, it’s good to put words to your feelings and realize that it’s only an attachment. Journaling or a daily morning page practice can help you notice and process your feelings.
Meditate-
Meditating helps you become aware of how your body and mind operate. When you practice meditation regularly you’ll notice the pattern of attachment in your thoughts, recognize it without judgment, and then work on letting it go. You might have created an unhealthy attachment in your mind but that’s all it is. It’s in your mind and doesn’t have to continue to exist.
Spend Time in Nature-
Mother Nature is the ultimate detached queen. She enjoys summer while it lasts and doesn’t try to hold onto it any longer than she needs to. When fall rolls around she sheds her leaves and indulges in a reflection period of rest and stillness during the colder fall and winter months.
When the time is right she blooms back into action with the trees and flowers, ready to enjoy the warmth of spring and summer. Just like nature, life is going to have seasons. Spend time in nature to take hints from Mother Nature and see how easily she detaches.
Limit Alcohol Consumption-
If you’re actively trying to detach from a person or thing, it’s wise to do a little cleanse. Alcohol can enhance whatever emotions you’re feeling but not always in a healthy way. Taking a break can help you to feel any emotions that come up so that you can release them instead of trying to numb yourself.
Exercise-
Movement is an amazing way to get yourself out of your head and grounded into the here and now. When you notice yourself having attachments, it’s a very mental thing. Learn to get out of your head sometimes so that you notice that the present moment is more important than whatever you feel yourself overly attached to. Exercise also releases feel-good endorphins to boost your mood.
Deep Clean/Purge-
Do a purge of your things and release what doesn’t truly bring you joy, is taking up space unnecessarily or you’re just ready to let go off. You might have difficulty getting rid of things but you’ll feel so much better when you get rid of clutter that’s taking up your precious space.
Donate or sell old clothes, electronics, books, furniture, etc that are of no use to you. Also, if you’re holding onto things from a past relationship, is it helping you to detach? Think about it and decide on how to proceed with those sentimental items.
Get Off Social Media-
The worst place for you to be if you’re feeling overly attached is social media. Either the constant comparing or the stalking is a terrible idea for your mental and emotional well-being. Detaching from social media and spending more time, in reality, will make your life so much easier when you’re practicing detachment.
Conclusion-
Detachment can help you to stay objective about what really matters in life. It can also help you remember that when one door closes another one opens. Life is going to ebb and flow and constantly change. There is nothing anyone can do to stop it. There’s going to be good times and bad times in every person’s life.
All we can do is enjoy the good times, ride the wave of the bad times, and try to learn something along the way so that we can grow and become stronger.
Detachment doesn’t mean that you are emotionless and care about nothing, it means that you can enjoy what you have while you have it while not putting your entire value into it in case one day it gets taken away. Hopefully, you can use the art of detachment in your own life to realize that you are so much more and have much more to offer the world than just a job, relationship, or material possessions.
